I am typing a revised version of Family Matters! I chose this post to revise because it didn't have good enough sentences. I revised it by proofreading and Writing tips.
Well my mom has to be first because she is a parent, and parents, the best of family always come first. She knows a LOT of everything. She went to summer school just for fun and she is still very smart. She loves her family and friends. I love her a LOT.
Next up is Dad. He has to do tree work, tiring tree work. Once when I was 1 I drank daddy's whole cup of coffee. He loves coffee a lot and loves to drink it. He loves his family a lot more though.
Now I am introducing my cousins. Joseph, my cousin is first. He is a fun cousin. Next is E.J, his younger brother. He is very neat. Justin is clumsy and whiny. My cousins each have their good traits and bad traits. I have 13 cousins. I love them, but my parents are top, and always will be. Next is Josh, another cousin. He is O.K. He gets too bratty though. Ooh. I have such a big family.
Then there is Ray. He is a very neat brother. Next is Kenny. Ooh. They are really cool. They are neat, and love to eat.
Ooh. Next is Grandma and Grandpa. They are so nice. Jaqu, aw forget it. She is nice too. Chukie left to Amanda, a sort of vet. Well, bye! I love them a lot.
What did you think of my post?
Zachary - your extra details really improved this post. Now your audience can get to know your family and why they are important to you. Remember to continue using your writing tips and adding those details!
Posted by: Mrs. Meeler | November 03, 2005 at 09:18 AM