I woke up one morning and suddenly my pillow was made of marshmallow. My mattress was chocolate; my blanket was a caramel sensation. My room was filled with candy everything was candy it looked like Candy Land I went out of my room, down the stairs, through the kitchen and out the door. Even my marble stairs were made of candy I think they were made out of gingerbread and frosting. The neighborhood was made of candy, the clouds were cotton candy and the street was made of mint.
Iran
To Be Continued . . .
What a delightful world of sweets you have created here, Marisela! I especially liked the caramel blanket. I liked the candy neighbourhood too, even though it took me a little while to work out what it was. You could add more specific details about each building, like the police and fire. What kind of candy was the school, I wonder?
Your first sentence was a list and that doesn't particularly appeal to me. Perhaps some more detail would work here too.
Posted by: Bronwyn G | January 19, 2006 at 12:48 PM
Marisela - make sure your font style, color, and size is appropriate. If people can't easily read your post, you will lose some of your audience. And I would hate for anyone to miss out!
This is a great starting point, but you need to focus more on your details.
First of all, make sure your readers know exactly what the topic is, entice your readers with a good hook (first sentence and title), use vivid/descriptive vocabulary so that your story comes alive!
Posted by: Mrs. Meeler | January 20, 2006 at 06:59 AM
I really like your story.
Posted by: brineisha | January 20, 2006 at 11:04 AM
You did a great job Marisela!I love the way you use colorful words.I'm anxious to find out what will happen next!
Posted by: rocio | January 25, 2006 at 10:54 AM
I think your story a lot. It was very creative. The thought of it being "CandyLand", was cool.
P.S. I like your font.
Posted by: Allie | January 25, 2006 at 11:02 AM