I am re-doing '' Going to the Beach '' because I thought there was a lot of mistakes. I am also doing it because we are learning how to proofread.Tell me if you like this one better.
Going to the Beach Redo
Tuesday night my mom told my sister and me," We are going to the beach." My sister and I were so exited that we went to our room and cleaned up a bit so we could pack up our stuff.
The next day we woke up at 5:30 in the morning to put everything in our car.After that my mom got a call from my brother.He told me to go to the internet and look for the directions to get to the beach.
We left at 9:00 so why mom could get money from the bank. on the way there was a lot of laughing.There was also a lot of yelling because my mom was geting really tired of hearing us laugh. We were telling to much jokes ang sag and doing funny things.
Six hours later we got to the hotel. The first thing we did was un-pack (duh).After that we went to Wal-Mart there we bought suoviners, sunscreen,floats,and I got an air brush T-shirt.
When we got back to the hotel we went to the beach my mom and I were the only ones who got in the water. My sister didn't want to get in because she wanted to find shells. Then we went to the pool but before we went in we had to get rinsed off.
The next few days we stayed at the hotel all day. But today we went to a place where we can ride boats. We payed a lot of money, but it was worth it.
When we got on the boat we felt kind of scared. We left the docks and were on our way. We saw dolphins and a lot of jelly fish. I counted 99. When we got to Shell Island we went on the long bridge and got to the sand. It was kind of hard because the bridge was broken because of a hurricane that happend there last year. When I got there I knew why they call Shell Island. We got to stay there for an hour then we had to go.
The next day we left to go home. There was still some laughter.
What do you think about my new post?
I think your new post is much better because you added so many details. I could picture you, your sister, and your mom at the beach. That is what your writing should do. It should be so detailed that when your audience reads it, they are able to create a picture in their head. Good job!
Is there another area in this post that may need some revising?
Posted by: Mrs. Meeler | November 03, 2005 at 09:08 AM
I love the beach, but I live in British Columbia Canada, so at this time of year it's a bit too cold to go there! I like the last two lines of your blog, it sounds like the end of a novel.
Posted by: megan | November 07, 2005 at 08:01 PM
Marisela
I like your "Going to the beach" thought I haven't gon to the beach in very long time. thank's for the class I hope your class send us comments
Posted by: ceydy | November 21, 2005 at 07:38 AM
I could just imagine all the laughter and the long hours, feeling like days. Believe me when we went to Mexico it took a long time to get there and with three adults and my older sister there was alot of weird things to talk about. Thank goodness my sister was with me.
Although I don't really remember gong to the beach, I can still imagine the sound of the shore,the clatter of seashells and the shining morning sun.
Do you think California is like that? Because I lived there and my parents are always telling me how much fun we had there. And sinse I couldn't swim, my sister and brother had all the luck. What was your favorite part of the trip to the beach?
Posted by: graciela | November 23, 2005 at 11:08 AM
I would say that my favorite part of my vacation was when I got to ride in a helacopter wich I think I left out of the story.
Posted by: marisela | December 01, 2005 at 05:51 AM
Hi Marisela,
I think you have added lots more details but I would suggest that you use spell check because it would help you catch errors. What do you think? Do you use spell-check on a regular basis? Why or why not? I think it is great to be working on proofreading because that is a most important skill for good writers! I always get a friend to proofread my work and I proofread hers. That helps a bunch! Keep up the blogging!
Mrs. Davis
Posted by: Anne Davis | December 07, 2005 at 09:13 AM