"Recreating My Post"

  The post you are about to read may seem familiar to you, it was the first post I ever did. That post inspired me to become a better writer. Now I can write with more details and facts. Weblogging is one of the most important things going on in my life, because I can spend time improving on my writing. I can also spend time with two of my best friends, Diana and Marisela.

  They are both excellent writers they pack their posts with so many details and facts. I just can't stop reading their posts. I'm so glad I can spend time with them because they help me a lot in improving my post. I also help them too.

   I know that the first post I did,{My Fantastic New Weblog} had a lot of mistakes. But now that I've tried very hard to become a good writer, I actually feel that I can improve a whole lot more. The first post I did wasn't separated into little paragraphs, but a whole BIG one. You can spot so many errors. Even a two-year-old could locate them.

Recreating M First Post

Hello I'm Graciela, and I started being a web logger in September 1, 2005. I'm really looking forward for this. I've always wanted to be web logger. And know my wish has come true.

   I'd like you to know a little bit about my self. First of all I'm a girl, born to two loving parents, Aurora  and Francisco. I was born in Los Angeles, California, April 13, 1995. And I have one sister and one brother. My sister, Nancy is 18 years old, she was born in D.F. Mexico, May 7, 1987. And she was brought here when she was 1 year old. And my brother, Victor is 22 years old and he was born in Mexico, November 12, 1983. He was brought her was brought to the U.S. when he was 5 years old. They both Are the best brother and sister anyone would love to have. All though me and my sister do fight a lot. But I'm still glad she is my sister. I am hoping to make my parents and brother and sister proud of becoming a web logger.

   I have so many hobbies. Like spending time with my cats. I have a lot of cats and they are always having kittens. The first cat I had was black with a white tummy and socks. She has green eyes and we spend "quality" time together. Then I have a gray tabby with black stripes, her name is Brave. And a white tummy with socks. Then I have a cat names Oreo she is black with a white tummy and one white dot on each back foot. Then I have a cat that is so pretty her name is Fluffy. Of course she is fluffy with a lot of cream, brown, and gold colors. Sometimes I call her the "Rainbow Cookie". You might know that the last three cats are sisters. And they are. I love my cats so much.

   Pets. Yes I have had so many pets I've had bunnies, puppies, cats, turtles, guinea pigs. When we came to Georgia from California, we moved to a trailer and while we lived there we had little turtles, no bigger than the palm on your hand. And believe me, sometimes they got really stinky. Then when we moved we let them go, well actually we lest in a pond, near where we live.

   While we were living in our new home, my mom got a job and she had friend that worked with her named Cindy. So Cindy gave us puffy cute little Golden Retriever. But he passed away because he got really sick. When my dad used to tell him to give him his paw, he would put his paw on my dad's palm. that was one of his Tricks. By the way his name was Buddy.

   We also had five bunnies. They were white, and since there are five of us in my family we all had one. Every morning I would give them a carrot and hug them. But they ran away, since then I've always wanted a bunny or bunnies.

   Then I had another dog, his name was Shaggy. He had to "girl" friends. One he was with one of them the other one would get jealous. The dog next to our house was called Jasmine the dog in front of us was called Dolly. He always loved to play. but he went to  the dog pound.

    I've had three Guinea pigs. But believe, its along story. I just love pets. Don't you?

 

    Which post was better and why? Did I improve or not?

   I'd like you to know a little bit about my self. First of all I'm a girl, born to two loving parents, Aurora  and Francisco. I was born in Los Angeles, California, April 13, 1995. And I have one sister and one brother. My sister, Nancy is 18 years old, she was born in D.F. Mexico, May 7, 1987. And she was brought here when she was 1 year old. And my brother, Victor is 22 years old and he was born in Mexico, November 12, 1983. He was brought her was brought to the U.S. when he was 5 years old. They both Are the best brother and sister anyone would love to have. All though me and my sister do fight a lot. But I'm still glad she is my sister. I am hoping to make my parents and brother and sister proud of becoming a web logger.

   I have so many hobbies. Like spending time with my cats. I have a lot of cats and they are always having kittens. The first cat I had was black with a white tummy and socks. She has green eyes and we spend "quality" time together. Then I have a gray tabby with black stripes, her name is Brave. And a white tummy with socks. Then I have a cat names Oreo she is black with a white tummy and one white dot on each back foot. Then I have a cat that is so pretty her name is Fluffy. Of course she is fluffy with a lot of cream, brown, and gold colors. Sometimes I call her the "Rainbow Cookie". You might know that the last three cats are sisters. And they are. I love my cats so much.

   Pets. Yes I have had so many pets I've had bunnies, puppies, cats, turtles, guinea pigs. When we came to Georgia from California, we moved to a trailer and while we lived there we had little turtles, no bigger than the palm on your hand. And believe me, sometimes they got really stinky. Then when we moved we let them go, well actually we lest in a pond, near where we live.

   While we were living in our new home, my mom got a job and she had friend that worked with her named Cindy. So Cindy gave us puffy cute little Golden Retriever. But he passed away because he got really sick. When my dad used to tell him to give him his paw, he would put his paw on my dad's palm. that was one of his Tricks. By the way his name was Buddy.

   We also had five bunnies. They were white, and since there are five of us in my family we all had one. Every morning I would give them a carrot and hug them. But they ran away, since then I've always wanted a bunny or bunnies.

   Then I had another dog, his name was Shaggy. He had to "girl" friends. One he was with one of them the other one would get jealous. The dog next to our house was called Jasmine the dog in front of us was called Dolly. He always loved to play. but he went to  the dog pound.

    I've had three Guinea pigs. But believe, its along story. I just love pets. Don't you?

 

    Which post was better and why? Did I improve or not?

Comments

[Bronwyn G]

I like especially the detail about your brothers and sisters. I found it interesting that your brother is the same age as me. He will turn 23 in November 2006 and so will I but in a few days' time. Probably 'so many' is an overused word, and there are a few overused words and spelling mistakes. I love the way you concentrated on your pets in this post; maybe you could put more details and be more concise - that is, take out the stuff about your family and hobbies and concentrate entirely on your animals and their behaviour. I know you can do it, Graciela. Meeler has always praised you for your writing. I was impressed to think that you thought Diana and Marisela are good.

[Mrs. Meeler]

The details in this post are great. You should follow Brownwyn's advice and be sure to have a clear topic. Your topic changed from your family to your pets. Read through your post again, did you find any spelling errors or sentence fragments? Be sure to correct your mistakes.

[graciela]

Bronwyn, I think that the post I did was excellent. Im so glad I got to choose what I wanted to write, all by my self.
I know that writing about my life was perfect. Every time I do a post I think about what I know will make my post perfect. I always know what details I should and should not put. How do you feel about being a new weblogger? How do you want to "improve" "your" "post"?

[Anne Davis]

Hi Graciela,
I want to complement you on your revision of your post. I can tell you put a lot of effort into this post. I did see lots of improvement.

The value of good friends comes through in your post. I especially liked that part.

Another part that I liked in this post is that you are asking yourself questions in order to improve. Keep up that good habit.

What are some other questions that are good to ask yourself after you have written a post?

Mrs. Davis