Bronwyn G

Oh, my goodness, Derrick!

This is a punchout of a story!

I liked how the kids said, "Stop playing, Daddy."

And I liked your wife and the car.

Do be careful about how you punctuate dialogue. Dialogue usually goes on a new line, and it has quotation marks like these (Americans use double, Australians use single):

"Derrick, your story would be better if it used quotation marks," Ms Meeler said.

"Okay, Ms Meeler," Derrick said.

As for the dreaming thing ... I'll give you another answer another time. Suffice to say this happens frequently to me, both as a child and as an adult.

Mrs. Meeler

I agree with Brownwyn! Your story is great. I like the humor, the dialogue, the details, and organization. One thing that is unclear is how you woke up being so hairy. I know you woke up with hair under your arms because you woke up a as a grown up, right? But I bet this part confused some of your readers. They probably thought you woke up as some kind of beast or ware-wolf or something. Do you think you should have included more details regarding that part?


Your story was the bomb for
real dog.The best part was
every one out but that fine
looking lady.


What kind of dream was that and why did you pit that story to write about.


I liked it.


I really liked your story. It was really believable. You are very good at writing.


Hi Derrick I really liked your store.It was all interesting,but I did not understand the first part that said there was alot of hirt around you.Also I realy like the part that said that you have hairs in yourarmpit.that was very funny.I did not know that you couldwrite that good.I really am imprest and I feel good that i have a friend that writes good stores.I am proud of you,Derrick.

Bronwyn G

Perhaps you could write a part 3 or revise either of the parts to explain why you were so hairy. Perhaps the man had a father or grandfather who was hairy? That would sound like a plausible premise.


Thanks for commenting I really enjoy BrownynG she gives me writing tips that spark me up


Yes Mrs. Meeler I think you can always add detail. Details are the rich soil of your reading

Bronwyn G

Rich soil! Oh, that is so appropriate. I do think your idiom unit is going to beneifit your studies in more ways than one. It will make you a strong writer.

Derrick, which writing tips in particular of mine made you spark up? I would be very interested! I do appreciate the compliment.

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