To BE CONTINUED....

Hey everybody, the reason I didn't finish my blog is because I  didn't have enough time. So today I am going to finish what I started. 

                    One day, I woke up and I felt hair under my under arms. It was like hairboloza and went to the mirror and I had hair everywhere. I heard a noise in the kitchen so I went to go see who or what was causing the noise. When I went in there I saw two kids and a fine lookin lady. I said with authority,"What are you doing here. All of you need to leave except the fine look'n lady." Then they all started to laugh and said stop playing daddy. I looked around the room and saw pictures of those two kids and a photo of me and that hot lady in a picture. I must be dreaming, I tried to hit myself but I didn't wake up. Could this be a dream or for real, I thought to my self.                

                            When I went outside I saw this lamborghini, I jumped in it so fast the gas was already started. It had two 5 inch flat screen T.V.s in the back, and surround sound in the trunk. Before I left the driveway  I asked her what was her name she said Samyaih. Well then Samyaih if being married to you means having this car it might not be that bad being married to you. Then I took Samyaih and  then drove off. At that moment I woke up thinking I was driving a car.Then the librarian smacked me and told me to get a life and threw me out of the library.

                           WHAT HAVE YOU DREAMED OF THAT WAS INTERESTING BUT GOT CAUGHT NOT PAYING ATTENTION?

Comments

[Bronwyn G]

Oh, my goodness, Derrick!

This is a punchout of a story!

I liked how the kids said, "Stop playing, Daddy."

And I liked your wife and the car.

Do be careful about how you punctuate dialogue. Dialogue usually goes on a new line, and it has quotation marks like these (Americans use double, Australians use single):

"Derrick, your story would be better if it used quotation marks," Ms Meeler said.

"Okay, Ms Meeler," Derrick said.

As for the dreaming thing ... I'll give you another answer another time. Suffice to say this happens frequently to me, both as a child and as an adult.

[Mrs. Meeler]

I agree with Brownwyn! Your story is great. I like the humor, the dialogue, the details, and organization. One thing that is unclear is how you woke up being so hairy. I know you woke up with hair under your arms because you woke up a as a grown up, right? But I bet this part confused some of your readers. They probably thought you woke up as some kind of beast or ware-wolf or something. Do you think you should have included more details regarding that part?

[ricardo]

Your story was the bomb for
real dog.The best part was
every one out but that fine
looking lady.

[lisa]

What kind of dream was that and why did you pit that story to write about.

[theresa]

I liked it.

[theresa]

I really liked your story. It was really believable. You are very good at writing.

[adriana]

Hi Derrick I really liked your store.It was all interesting,but I did not understand the first part that said there was alot of hirt around you.Also I realy like the part that said that you have hairs in yourarmpit.that was very funny.I did not know that you couldwrite that good.I really am imprest and I feel good that i have a friend that writes good stores.I am proud of you,Derrick.

[Bronwyn G]

Perhaps you could write a part 3 or revise either of the parts to explain why you were so hairy. Perhaps the man had a father or grandfather who was hairy? That would sound like a plausible premise.

[derrick]

Thanks for commenting I really enjoy BrownynG she gives me writing tips that spark me up

[derrick]

Yes Mrs. Meeler I think you can always add detail. Details are the rich soil of your reading

[Bronwyn G]

Rich soil! Oh, that is so appropriate. I do think your idiom unit is going to beneifit your studies in more ways than one. It will make you a strong writer.

Derrick, which writing tips in particular of mine made you spark up? I would be very interested! I do appreciate the compliment.