DREAMING IS FOR KIDS!

       One day, I woke up and I felt hair under my under arms. It was like hairboloza and went to the mirror and I had hair everywhere. heard a noise in the kitchen so I went go see who or what was causing the noise. When I went in there I saw two kids and a fine lookin lady. I said with authority,"What are you doing here. All of you need to leave except the beatiful women

                                To be continued...

Comments

[Bronwyn G]

Dear Derrick,

I like this dream a lot.

This dream seems like it may really happen. It has a hooking kind of sentence. And I like the end about 'beautiful women'.

The title is an ironic one, because while you are still a kid, you are growing up soon.

Did everyone listen? You could describe the other people more, as well as the beautiful lady. Make us believe in the beauty of the lady, and why you were ravished.

Did you, by any chance, turn into the Beast? And is the beautiful woman Beauty? Because that's how the Beast would behave; indeed, that's why he turned into the Beast in the first place, for being arrogant and thoughtless.

[Mrs. Meeler]

Derrick - Brownwyn G. asks you some really good questions. Remember you should be an expert on the topic you write about. Try answering all of her questions and following up on her advice when you continue your story.

Also, the red font sort of hurts my eyes when I read it. Maybe you should consider using a different font. I would hate for readers to miss out on your posts!

Lastly, good writers can't be lazy! I know you didn't have all those grammatical errors before you started typing it. Be sure to stay on task and proofread your work!

[Ricardo cisneros]

Dear Derrick,
I like how you made story funny cause you made everbody get out but the "beatiful lady ". I liked it a lot.

[derrick]

thanks for commenting No I was not yhe beast

[Mrs. Meeler]

Derrick - when you comment back to a reader, make sure you address that person. I'll explain in class.