Louisiana Rush

This week we are learning about Personal Narratives in writing.  A Personal Narrative is an event that really happened in a writer's life. This is my Personal Narrative of my trip to Louisiana last week. (Rough draft)

On Tuesday August 23rd I got a phone call that my husband’s grandmother was terminally ill in the hospital in Louisianaand she probably would not make it through the day.  My husband and I decided that we should leave right away.  However, before we left we had several things that had to be taken care of.  First and foremost I had to make sure my classroom was ready for the week. At the same time my husband had to make sure everything was set at his work. The second task was to hurriedly pack enough for four people for a 5 to 6 days stay in Louisiana. Lastly we gassed up the van and took off.

We arrived in Louisiana after 6 long hours of “Are we there yet?”  Unfortunately we were too late.  My husband’s grandmother passed away thirty minutes before we got there.  Of course we were all very sad.

We had planned to stay until Sunday morning however, Hurricane Katrina had other plans for us.  ……………..

This is my rough draft. Feel free to give me hints on how to improve my writing.  Because we all know that writing is a process.

Comments

[katey]

I am very sorry for your loss. I'll be sure to pray for your family. It makes me so sorry for you beacuse I know how it is to lose a loved one.

[olivia]

It's sad to hear about all those people in Louisiana. I saw a picture of it. They had water almost above the window it was bad I hope it gets better around there.

[Esmeralda]

I'm sorry to hear about your family in Louisiana.My parents and I will pray for your family.If you see them tell them I said ,Hi.

[noelle]

I fell so sorry that your hosband's grandmother is dead. I hope you feel beter about it.

[laura]

Hey Mrs Babin how are you? I guess you are fine and happy to and I guess Jennyfer Fernandes is happy to have you like a 3rd teacher and Yessenia to. Jennyfer is one of my best friends. sometimes we laugh all day long with our other friends. sometimes we get mad but we just get mad for a few minutes then we get happy again. well seeyou soon mrs babin have a nice day.

[graciela]

I am very sorry for the loss in your husband's family.I too have lost two of my family members when they were born.I know how it feels to have lost a loved one.I will pray alot so you can get better and have a happy SMILE!

[Da'Meshia]

I love your students' projets. If
I was a teacher I would give them all a hunderd. They did wonderful. They should get a treat.

[Jordan]

I am so sorry about your husband's grandmother.I think the reason this county is named what it is because it has stone mountainin it.

[Shay]

I am so sory about your husband's grandmom.

[Lyla]

I am very sorry for the loss in your family.I wish that you could have gotten to say goodbye to her before she left this world to go to heaven.

[Raul]

I like your students projects alot by the way I am sorry of the loss of your family.

[Zachary]

That is sad Mrs.Babin. My great grandmother died a few days ago. Sorry that happened.

[samantha]

my cousend Estefania has telling me how nice you are and all the time I sayd I want to be on your class.

[samantha]

my cousend Estefania has telling me how nice you are and all the time I sayd I want to be on your class.And Da'Misha all the time says that too.

[samantha]

my cousend Estefania has telling me how nice you are.And Da'Misha all the time says that too.