Re-Writen Book

     I have rewritten my first post called “My Introducing Corner” which let my readers know about me.  I have rewritten my first post to see if my writing has improved. My writing should have improved because we have worked a lot on descriptive words and good details to help improve my writing.                                             

Re-Written Introducing Corner

    My name is Marisela (for those of you who don't know me). I like to do many things like play soccer. Almost my whole family revolves around soccer. We go watch soccer pretty much every Sunday. My sister and I play soccer at R.Y.S.A (Rockdale Youth Soccer Association).

    I also like to listen to music, go shopping at the mall, and be with my cousins Monica, Jessica, and Yelly. My cousins and I love to do the same things like going to the movies and buying shoes. I also like to be with my older sisters. Mostly because we get to go to a lot of places together and also because we have so much fun!

     My favorite thing to do is to be with my cat, Diamond. It is my favorite thing to do because she is always in a good mood. Right now she is about to turn 1. Diamond is also going the have kittens.

Do you think my writing has improved from reading the other post from my hyper link? How?

Comments

[Bronwyn G]

An interesting point of your previous post is that you liked to be in your own world when reading (you seemed a bit shy admitting that; don't worry!) but this post you seem to be a much more outward-looking girl than you were in the previous post. Isn't it good we can use words and details to change ourselves through writing? I liked your word choices like 'revolves' but there weren't that many. You used simple, strong words to tell your story, but not too many overused ones.

[Mrs. Meeler]

Marisela - I too wished you would have included more about your hobby of reading and how it makes you feel. What are some of your favorite books?

Why did you leave it out of this post?

[Marisela]

Ms.Meeler,
Since the begining of the year I haven't been able to read a lot and it has been harder to read because of the things listed:I have less time in school then I did last year, at home I have to do my homework, clean before my mom gets home, walk on the treadmill for thirty mins., and I babysit a lot, plis right now I am practiceing to be in a sweet fifteen.

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